I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
