Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
