cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I did not marry a roomba.
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