They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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