i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
