I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
