You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
