mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
