dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
