Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
