So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
