i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Who wears a wallet chain?!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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