Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
