Where did you get a picture of my penis
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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