I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
