in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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