the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
