There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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