He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
