Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
