? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
