Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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