Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
