You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
