Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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