judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
