I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
