Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
