i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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