Apparently you make a good broom.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
