would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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