So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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