Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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