how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
do herpes really smell.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
