I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
