lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
