He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
