I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
