More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
