I'm really into asian looking animals
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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