I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
