end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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