There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
