i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
