I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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