1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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