Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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