Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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