they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
