shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
