Are we in a gay sports bar?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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